White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
