Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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