she was so not down for the gang bang
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
