Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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