We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
