His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
