I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
