Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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