Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I believe in your delicious
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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