Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
