I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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