Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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