sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
