ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
