how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
