cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
