How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
