They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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