don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
