I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
