I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
