Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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