I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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