Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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