Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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