I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
