I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
