Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I lost the right to judge tonight
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
