i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
