wat bout pragnant strippers??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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