the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
