I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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