plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
