Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
