Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
