the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
