i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
