I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
