I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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