Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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