I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
