i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You made out with two different species that night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
