If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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