I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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