ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
