OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
