You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
