hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
