This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
