if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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