So drunk its hurt
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
