I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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