Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
